Closed Door
Poem and life story !
Closed Door
Today, the door was closed,
no way in, no way out.
I sat behind the door and
listened in case someone passed.
But, they didn’t.
I wrote this when I was feeling completely ignored. I still feel this way in some parts of my life. I am a wheelchair user, have been since 2022, since then, I have been trying to find somewhere that I can live, that is either adapted or adaptable. I haven’t found anywhere. I currently live in a ground floor flat with my ex partner. Horrendous. But on top of that challenge, my bathroom is not suitable : I am unable to use the toilet or shower. I currently pay at the local leisure centre to shower. Toilet wise, I have to use a commode which is in the lounge due to other rooms having carpet ( another story but a full commode bucket was dropped too many times onto the carpet…). This means when my ex partner is watching television, and I need to use the commode, I am in full view of him. NO privacy.
The council don’t have accessible properties it seems because instead of making the council bungalows live-able or adapting them, they are selling them off via auction. This means they are not accessible for me - I can’t afford to buy. I am on the council housing list, band two (band one is homeless/risk to harm) but there just aren’t the properties out there. In the last year, I have bid on one property, which (obviously) I wasn’t successful getting. The last two weeks, I have had over ten ‘eligible’ properties to choose from, none of which state wheelchair accessible, some even first floor (with no lift) - because I simply see all one bed properties available, and none within 10 miles from here.
One bed is all they are offering me… Clearly none of them are disabled because they have no idea on the equipment we have, the space we need and also, I am a firm believer that for someone who spends 98% of her time in the house, to go in and out of different rooms, for different purposes, to have a permanent work set up (desk), is vital for well-being. Where I currently live has one main bedroom, and the smaller second room is the office - this may fit a single bed, but only if we took everything out and we didn’t have my ex partner’s chest of drawers (his wardrobe essentially) and my work station: desk, filing cabinets, printer and boxes of folders. There is nowhere else in the flat for this stuff to go to.
I have even spoken to my MP about the lack of housing available, the council having no options, no affordable new builds that are suitable and the response is simple: there properties just aren’t available.
Can I keep living in the situation I am currently in… No.
When I came home from hospital in January 2025, unable to use the toilet / shower in my bathroom, it was on the basis it was for short term with them even putting a report in to the council for my changed needs. Here we are 13 months, over a year later, in exactly the same situation, PLUS, I now live with my ex partner as he ended the relationship a year ago.
I am desperate… BUT I am also desperate to stay in my current town also because I have everything here and it is accessible: shops, doctors, dentist, library, pharmacy, my carers (who are incredible, so I don’t want to lose them by moving out of the area they serve) and my book club. My friends. My LIFE.
I feel like doors are closed, none are opening for me to move.
A